and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
