I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
