i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
