i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
