I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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