I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have already put on my inside pants.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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