Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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