hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
