a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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