moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
