I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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