I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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