there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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