Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
