And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
