Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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