I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
