at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
