Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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