My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
