Non-Jews are for practice
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
