I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
