what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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