you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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