So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
