I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
