I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
