So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
