One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
