It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
