Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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