Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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