There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
