Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
