Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
