I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
