i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
