Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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