The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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