it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize