capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
