help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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