the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
