theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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