I need help removing her.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
