I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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