i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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