i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize