Can Purell be used as lube?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
