i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
