is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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