that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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