I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
