He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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