If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
that is very illegal...i love you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
