There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize