I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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