Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
