why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
