You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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