you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
