Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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