We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
