Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
