Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
