Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
