I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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