chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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