She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize