So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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