No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
