I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
