And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
