This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
