Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
