Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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