perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
