I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
