i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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