seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
