Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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