Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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