i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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