I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
