I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
