New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize