pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
