It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
