Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
