i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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