...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
