I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
