After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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