i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
