My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
