..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
