I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
