first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
