I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
