Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
