11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
