This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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