So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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