just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
