About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
